Bye, Koj

A good friend of mine passed away today. And I can't even remember the last time I saw her.

Karen Jane Molinyawe. She was popularly known as Kojen or Koj. She became my classmate only during the last year of our high school life. This is the part where I ate my words, and swallowed them whole. Before the school year started, we already heard how she behaves, and me and my friends didn't like what we heard. I instantly declared that I am going to make her life as hellish as possible, when we learned that she was going to be our classmate. This is the first time that I let the bitch in me get ahead of myself. I am never going to forgive myself for saying that. Never.

She didn't turn out to be so bad after all. We became friends. We even called each other "crush." Long story. We were seatmates during our physics class, we used to go to that mini store inside our school (I forgot how we called it) to buy Chocolait and snacks. We used to wash our faces together after CAT with our other friends. She was really a good person. Very sweet, caring and thoughtful. I can't believe that I misjudged her. She comprised 50% or more of the quotes and jokes in my phone, thanks to our being both subscribers to Sun Cellular.

Then only a few months ago, a never-heard-of (at least for me) disease hit her. I planned on many times to visit her, but I had no time. Gahd, I couldn't even make time for a friend, when she made all the time for me when I needed someone back in high school. Weeks passed, and she was still confined in the hospital. And I still didn't have time. I'm such a bad friend. Then she became okay, got out of the hospital, and still, I didn't have time to pay her a visit.

Earlier, while at work, Frytz asked me if I received a text from Mascian peeps. At first, I thought it was about the Alumni Reunion of MSHS. Then he said no. And that's when I had a grim feeling. I instantly fished my phone out of my bag, and read 4 messages. Two were from Joyce, and one was from Don. I nearly cried when I read their messages. She passed away. Frytz explained to me how. She became okay the week before (because after she got out, she was brought to the hospital again), but died of heart attack today. I didn't know what to say. It was unexpected. It was unthought of.

I didn't cry at that time. I spaced out. Went to oblivion. But when I was on my way home, alone on the bus, listening on my iPod, that was the time it really sinked (sunk?) in. Koj was gone. I never even got the chance to see her, to talk to her. I was trying so hard to stop myself from crying, because there were people beside me, but I failed. Tears flowed, I was trying so hard not to make a sound so as not to create a scene. I could barely breathe properly. Koj is gone. I never even got a chance to ask her for forgiveness. I fell asleep, crying, guilt eating my heart.

Koj, wherever you are now, please forgive me. I'm sorry I wasn't able to visit you. I may have been hard on you at times, but I am never going to forget the time and friendship you shared with me. I treasure them, with all my heart.

Gahd, I'm crying again.